The cold in the night has you fidgeting in bed. It has been more than 2 hours since you hit the pillow but the thoughts running in your mind have deterred you from hitting that sleep jackpot. Of all the days in the world, the realities of being single dawn on you as the cold bites your feet.
“It’s about time I probably settled down”-type of thoughts cross your mind as a suitable solution to your “winter” conditions. However, as you remember the previous dramas that made you soldier on, in solidarity with yourself, the “winter” seems more favourable and appealing.
So you check your alarm and it’s 1:24 a.m. Pin drop silence in the house and the chills remind you of your high school days when the desire for an “A” in your final status necessitated vampire activities in class. “I need to put on some socks”, you encourage yourself.
As soon as you jump out of bed, your small toe knocks against your laptop on the floor. “Fuuuuuuuuuuu…….dgeeeeee”.. I am sure you know that you are not ordering for any dessert as you utter those words writhing in pain. Your mother always told you to neaten your room back in the day but youthful wisdom advised you otherwise. You shrug it off because you know somewhere at the back of your mum’s mind she’d be happy that her threats have come true. But you can’t let her win this time.
In between searching for your socks in the pile of clothes that you promised yourself to arrange 3 weeks ago, your mind drifts to the reason why you actually couldn’t sleep. Realities of becoming independent and of age have hit you hard. Certain projects you wanted to implement but the barriers seem more. You thought life would be very different.
The term “lack” , “wish” and “in need of” have become prolific in your phrases. The vision and hopes that you once had have started becoming blurred. Salary? Business? Masters funds? Car? Rent? Vacation? Wedding? School fees? Inflation?……… “Can’t I just go back to primary school days where the main agenda was who would bring their football to school”.
You need someone to talk to. ” Who can listen to me? Won’t they judge or wonder how I lost my light? Wasn’t I the flag bearer of hope growing up? Won’t they pretend to listen then start gossiping as testimonies in their circles?”
You unlock your phone, and access your contacts. Scrolling through your populated list but of all days no one seems fit to listen. Your phone is always busy on regular days. The main reason you have a power bank is due to the influx of texts, whatsapp chats from friends wanting your help but at this point in time no one seems present or available to help you……. “Why do I feel helpless? Why do I feel lost?“, you keep groaning internally…..
>To be continued…………………..