Ladies……. Girls….. Sisters………. and Bae …… Do you know your value?
A story is told of a well-known speaker that started off his seminar by holding up a 20 dollar bill in a room with approximately 200 people. He asked, “Who would like this 20 dollar bill?”. Instantaneously, hands started going up. The speaker said , “I am going to give this 20 dollar bill to one of you, but first, let me do this.”
To the dismay of the audience, he proceeded to crumple the 20 dollar note up. He then asked. “Who still wants it?”. Funnily, the hands were up in the air. “Well,” he replied, “what if I do this?”. He dropped it on the floor and started to grind it with his shoe while maintaining a cunning smile. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. “Now, who still wants it?” Still the hands went into the air.
The speaker laughed and said, “My friends ,you have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth 20 dollars”. My dear sisters the moral of the story is that, many of the decisions, thoughts or actions you have made or potentially will make have a high probability of dropping, crumpling and grinding you into the dirt. However, you will never lose your value in life. With this in mind, do you know your value?
Many authors, speakers and even individuals have their own perspectives of:
- Who is a woman? What’s a woman’s role? What are the features of an ideal woman?Am I sexy?
Proverbs 31 does an amazing role in giving ladies tips about how to carry out themselves and their identity. The verses that particularly stand out are
10: “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.” Character determines who you are, what you choose, how you do what you do and why you do it. Character consists of habits and behaviours and I believe my dear sisters, one has to be intentional in the character you choose to adopt.
30: “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” It is not your curves or vivacious figure that determines your sense of womanhood. Yes some men will ogle over you, but do you really think that’s your value?
- Purity in the 21st century? What if I have messed up?
We live in a rotten world. That’s definitely not a surprise. However, how you live is based on your choices. Ephesians 5:15-16 advises us that “Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.” There is no mob mentally when it comes to how you live your life. Be wise.
You have a right to do what you want. You can sleep around, you can get yourself drunk silly, you can be as scandalous as Olivia Pope, you can have as many sponsors as you want, you can do all what you want. However, just remember, “I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but not everything is constructive.” Romans 10:23. If you would let your daughter do what you do now, then by all means, go ahead.
At points in your life, you may have messed up. However, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God”, Romans 3:23. So never let guilt prevent you from experiencing joy in life. Let go of the past and do what is right.
- Is marriage for me really? Why should i be the submissive one?Are men and women 50/50?
Marriage is a beautiful part of life. However, not everyone was meant to marry/be married. Even the gender ratio would “imply” so currently at 1 man to 3 women. However this does not provide a leeway to wayward living for ladies or having to “share” as some put it across. For the ladies that intend on getting married, there are verses that explain more on roles and expectations that are in marriage. Just remember, marriage involves dying to self and sacrifice. Before you point at him, reflect on yourself first.
Aim to achieve things happily but not to sacrifice happiness for achievements. Your dreams are important.
- Your friends
Ladies are naturally socially and most love having special friendships. Which is great since it enables you to have friends to grow with, share experiences and comfort each other.However, remember that “Better is open rebuke than love that is concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.” Proverbs 27:5-6. Keep friends that are honest and objective. You cannot be friends with everyone but it doesn’t mean that you can’t be friendly to all.
Bearing in mind that I am not a lady, it would be futile putting into perspective what ladies go through, challenges they face or what they ought to aim for or avoid. However, a thought lingers in my mind whenever I think about my daughter. She is still chilling in heaven cause there hasn’t been any call of duty from my end. But I picture this sweet innocent baby. Hopefully she will look like her mum and without my hairline for her own sake. Hahahahaha hahahaa but a slight chance she will have my laughter and love basketball.
She will grow and transit through the various stages of life up until she forms her own home. What would I do or tell her if she ever needs my advise on “Being a lady”. It’s scary especially as a man when you have seen some ladies are treated by men. There is no way I can let that happen to my baby. Honestly, is there anything that I can do? So before she comes,I dedicate this letter to her.
“Dear Baby Girl,
Even before you join us, you should know that you are already loved and adored. A small princess that we will give our best to. I hope you won’t cry that much at night but if you do we will stay up and probably rock you as we wait to watch an NBA game in the wee hours of the morning.We most likely won’t give all that you want, but we shall definitely give you that which you will need in this life.
Your mum and I will ensure that home will be a safe haven. You will always have a place to play in, warm food for your tummy, a bedtime story if I find you awake at night, probably some dolls if you will be interested in them and you can always tell me your baby stories I promise to listen. Even when Arsenal is playing, half-time talks can also work.
You will go through an intense training session on patience, love, kindness, gratitude, honesty, sacrifice, faithfulness and peace because these are attributes that you will need as you prepare to face the world.”
In the world
“At some point you will grow and want to venture outside. Primary/Elementary school, High school will come by and pass and so will campus. You will come to laugh when your friends tell you that their parents were all number 1s in their classes back in the day as a motivation. I wish I could tell you that it’s a lie on our end. Well, all we hope is that you do your best. That you spend time making use of your talents and having a learning mentality. Even if you are not number 1, you are still our number 1 daughter, so don’t hide your report book little one.
You will meet your lady friends. They will mature from friends to best friends to BFFs to Bfffffffs and above. Some will fall along the way, some might betray you. Don’t take it personally, God has a way of eliminating friends that you didn’t need and keep those that were meant for you. If you expect to have great friends then also be a great friend to others.
Adolescence will make you start realizing boys in the estate or your school. As your first boyfriend, I will always protect you but you will be the custodian of your choices. Choose your friends wisely, be careful whom you give your heart to and be loyal. Just as you will learn from home, be a positive influence among your peers. Keep your mum close during this stage, she was once your age and probably understands better what you will be going through rather than me but I promise to try to understand.
We won’t be around you always to follow you around. We already trust you so whether we know or don’t know what you are up-to or where you are, maintain our trust. The family name is important. Have fun, enjoy your teenage hood and early 20’s. Travel around, play games, exercise, read and know that every Sunday you will be in church even if you move out.
Remember to work hard. Choose a career that enables you to make an impact in society. Choose something that you will love and that can facilitate your growth holistically. Will there be challenges? Yesssssss.. Very many! But trust me , they will make you better and stronger. Sometimes you will have many choices to make but this will deliver you into adulthood. If you ever feel lost, never keep it to yourself. We will always be ready to listen and if it won’t make sense find a trustworthy confidant to mentor you. But remember, he/she will not be an angel, they are human.
I know there will be that guy that will become your hero and replace my role. Shucks……….. But I also became your mum’s hero so I will accept.. Just ensure that whom you accept in your life is a reflection of your values. It’s a long-term decision so don’t keep it in the dark. We will always support you.”
” One day you will down the aisle and officially become someone’s wife. What a lucky man he will be. Love him wholeheartedly, be loyal to him and your house, enjoy the friendship that comes with marriage and most importantly let God be the glue that binds you two.
It won’t be a bed of roses. There are many homes with their own internal issues. So whenever you have a squabble, don’t romp us in it, deal with it together. never let your issues be a round table cabinet discussion among your ladies. However, never let yourself be abused. There are many single parents who have struggled to raise their families so always respect others regardless of whether they seem to have it all or not.
Remember how home was when you were a baby ? Now make that feeling be evident in your own home. Raise your kids in love and faith. Occasionally, come visit us and bring the grand-kids along. We will still be so strong to torture them with love and an occasional massage on our feet.
Being a woman is a blessing and an honour bestowed upon you . You are worth more than any diamond. So protect your body, your values, your family and your dreams. We are already proud of you. Always and forever.”
Sir Alushula aka Papa
“A strong woman understands that the gifts such as logic, decisiveness, and strength are just as feminine as intuition and emotional connection. She values and uses all of her gifts.”